Over the past 39+ years of my life, I’ve had a rocky relationship with my body. Is that true of most women? Also men? Having grown up in the 90’s when heroin chic was IN and curves were nowhere to be seen, my perception of beauty was skewed at a particularly vulnerable time of life. Look, I am a broad shouldered, athletically built gal with powerful thighs (newly adopted phrasing), no matter how many fad diets I limped my way through, or how many long sessions on the stair master (it was the 90’s after all) there was no way I could manipulate my body to look sickly thin and I regret spending so much energy even trying.
I remember in my teens writing to the editor of one teen magazines proposing that we change the images of beauty and the narrative in the magazines, of course, offering myself as a young writer to address these things. Needless to say, I never heard back from the teen magazine, and it took a very long time for those images to change in my head and on the actual pages.
I share all of this to say that when I talk about the goal category of fitness on this 40 to 40 journey, I’m not talking about getting to my ideal weight or getting into that special outfit (hello, amongst other things, we are in a pandemic!). It’s about celebrating my strength, health, and growth as a woman. Honoring and feeling good in this badass body that has been many shapes and sizes. A body that has delivered and nursed three giant, beautiful, healthy girls, and managed the difficult task of saving room for donuts, beer, and Cheetos in the process ;). This body has lived. This body is happy. This body has a few flats and more wrinkles than I’d like, but it still shows up strong for me every single day. The category of fitness is in celebration of THAT!
For accountability, here is my progress:
| Goal | Status |
| run 40 miles in 40 days: day 24, mile 24 (a PR might I add!) | ✅ |
| 40 days of yoga: day 24, session 24 | ✅ |
| hit movement goals for 40 days (shoutout to my apple watch): day 24, will close #23 today | ⚠️ |
| ❌>>✅ | |
| surf as much as humanly possible: one big happy check! | ✅ |
You see that ❌ up there? Well all was humming along (yes, 5 whole days) until 1/6/21 when white supremacists stormed the capital and we saw white privilege play out before our very eyes on TV. It was at that point that I cracked open a bottle of wine and hit the Doritos and watched as democracy crumbled. The rest of the week was a bit of a snowball, a big, stressful, delicious, snowball.
After that derail, I decided to pivot that goal to cut out sugar and alcohol from my diet until my birthday. I’ll be honest I’m 8 days in, and I can say, without a doubt, that is the longest I have gone without either in over a year. What I am realizing is that more than fitness, this is actually an exercise in mindfulness. I am catching myself constantly having to say no. No, to licking my fingers after serving a treat to my kids, no to snacking on a crumb of something, and no to mindless snacks. Now I’m painfully aware of how many little tastes of sugar I would have during the day. I’m grateful for that lesson… and I’m also not.
Do I feel better having cut out sugar and alcohol? I know you want me to say yes. I want me to say yes. But so far the answer is NO. Not better, not worse, just more aware of my actions, so I’m counting it as a win for now.
I’m not after perfection, I’m after growth and hoping I am aware enough to celebrate the small wins along the way because I have a tendency to be too hard on myself… and my suspicion is that many of us have the same tendency. So, if you ever need someone to celebrate a win with you – I’m your gal!
One more thought, whatever body you find yourself in now, please love it. Celebrate it. Don’t be ashamed of it. Put on the bathing suit, wear the top, do the thing you’ve told yourself you can’t. Your body will show up for you as it has every day of this beautiful life and we will all be better as we watch you shine.
As always, it’s a beautiful day out there, I hope you do something that lights your fire!
Live MAS Love MAS 